Is it karma or just bad luck?
- Jan 26, 2023
- 5 min read
If you’ve read the first post on this site, or know anything about our trip, forget all of it. Janelle? Toast. Our bank accounts? Toast ASF. Our faith in any auto shop whatsoever? Toast. Our spirits? Not toast, but barely hanging on.
What am I referring to, you ask? OH BABY do I have a story for YOU!
Let's start from the beginning. A couple of weeks before Christmas, we took Janelle to Jiffy Lube for an oil change before we left for our trip. We got the oil change, replaced a couple headlights, and BAM we were ready to go.
Then, we went to get little miss gal registered. Turns out that since she is a damn relic we had to get a safety inspection. No biggie! After two safety inspections, it seemed we needed a couple of ball joints replaced (whatever that means). “One day max” in the shop, turned into six; delaying our trip for about a week and costing us a couple more trips to Colorado (long story). Alright, whatever. It’s $800, but at least the van will be good to go now, right?
Ope! Noway, Jose! We needed a new battery. $150. Then, it was time to finally register her! YAY! Registration? Another $450.
I'd say our wallets were thin, but they were damn near nonexistent. No worries though. At this point, we were about to get on the road so it would all be alright soon.
The day had finally come. We loaded the van in a freezing-ass windstorm, but our spirits were high. After the week we’d had, we were beyond ready to get on the road. We finally hit the road, and we were SO. DAMN. HAPPY. Four months on the road, here we come!!
Until we get to Kansas City and the brakes start grinding. Fucking. Sick. Because of the ample amounts of bad lack we’ve had recently, we automatically knew something was wrong. We kept going. An hour goes by, we're cruising on the highway, and everything stops. Every possible thing in the van stops working at the same time. The acceleration, the steering wheel, the brakes, done. All of it.
She's toast. We're stuck on the side of the highway with no clue what could've just gone wrong. She was in the shop for a WEEK, passed an inspection, and got a new battery THAT DAY.
So what's the next logical step? Call AAA, right? Don't even fucking think about it. I call, we waited 2.5 hours for the (first) tow driver to show up. He finally got there, but he couldn't tow us. His supervisor said no. PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU WOULD SHOW UP THEN. Anyways, we were onto tow driver number two. After approximately fifteen calls to AAA and three more hours later, he showed up. His tow truck was about to break down, and he droped us off in in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, Missouri. We were still 90 miles from home, and it was now 2:00 am. We called AAA again and they said someone would be there to take us home in two more hours. No one shows. We call again. Nine more times, ten more times, fifteen more times. They can't help us.
It's December in Missouri, need I remind you. It's 15 degrees, and we were in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night, without a running car.
I finally got on the phone with someone, and she promised someone would be there to tow us at 6:00am. I'll spare the details, but I want everyone to know that this woman was one of the dumbest bitches I have spoken to in my entire life. Nevertheless, we wait up until 6:00. Can you guess what happened next? Go ahead, guess.
....
Good guess! No one showed!!! We called AAA yet again. Turns out, they can't even schedule tows until 10am anyways (But, they would make an exception and schedule one for 8am for us). As I said previously, the bitch was dumb. So we wait until 8:00am. We've now been stranded in the car for around twelve hours. Guess what happened at 8:00am? Come on, guess!
....
Yep! No one showed! HA! Why would they?! Apparently, there were no companies in the area to tow us. They told us that there was absolutely nothing they could do to help us because no one would tow us from that spot, and that no one was ever going to. "Your best bet at this point is to just try and call tow companies yourself. We might be able to reimburse you for it". So we did. And within an hour of calling, we had not one, but two trucks at the site ready to load us up (then there was a weird tow driver fight; we're skipping over that detail).
10:30am, and we were finally on our way home. After another two hour tow ride and $500 out of our pocket, we made it home around noon. Our vans broken, and we're now out around $2,500 in the span of three days. Truly, every ounce of money we had saved up was spent on the van, or in savings for this trip and it was all gone. All of it.
OH, I forgot mention the most important part! You may be wondering what caused the van to have a complete meltdown. We were too! Remember that oil change at Jiffy Lube that I mentioned earlier? Turns out, they used the wrong filter. Completely ruined our engine, and sprayed oil all around like a goddamn firehose until the van couldn't take it anymore. Thus, dying on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Fuck you Jiffy Lube. Truly, fuck you.
What are we doing now, you ask? As I am writing this, it is three weeks later, and I am just now able to discuss the situation without screaming and/or crying. We just got our reimbursement check from AAA in the mail yesterday, which is really the only good thing they've done for us. My sweet sweet generous father is letting J and I use his truck (with a rooftop tent attachment) for the trip, which is beyond kind. Because of this, we're still able to go on our trip (thank you Daddy, I love you!!).
All the money though? Yeah, that's gone for good. Every last drop. This trip is gonna cause us more debt than my damn bachelor's degree. No money, no van, BUT J and I are having the time of our fucking lives. Who knows how we're gonna be able to continue funding this little adventure we're on (right now, it's a multitude of credit cards), but we'll find a way. We always do.
And that's my fun little story for the day! I hope you all never go to Jiffy Lube again, and I hope you cancel your AAA subscriptions immediately. Feel free to donate to our sad, sad lives if you feel generous. Later kids.
xoxo, Drew
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